At Home, in a Universe of My Own.

Trigger Warning: This post discusses issues relating to mental and chronic health issues.

To anyone that knows me, it's no secret that I've had a hard time feeling like I belong. For as long as I can remember, I've had a strong sense of not belonging particularly, well, anywhere. 

I was never one of the 'cool kids' at school; never one to have a large group of friends and never one to feel like I really thrived in most environments. 

And, I guess, in many ways, it was only a matter of time until that feeling of not belonging anywhere translated into feeling that I didn't even belong in my own body.

Throughout my teenage years and into adulthood, I struggled with anorexia and bulimia. I've been 'in recovery' for many years now although I can honestly say that I have never felt quite as committed to recovering as I do since having my kids, for whom I would move actual mountains if I could... It's a funny old thing; becoming a mom. Maddie and Rory make me see the world through their eyes and make me feel as though I am one of the most precious people to ever have existed. The thought of them ever relating to their bodies in the way that I have related to mine over the years terrifies me to my core. And so, I continue in the footsteps of someone who will always be 'in recovery'. 

My ongoing chronic health issues undoubtedly also play a huge role in my feeling like a square peg in a round hole in almost all areas of my life. On a practical level, they have changed the course of my life in many, many ways and have also made my path very different to many of my peers. This makes relating to people hard, at times. And on a physical level... Well, all I can say about this is that it can be hard to love a body that doesn't seem to work very well (even though, as my sister reminds me often; it is actually working doubly hard to do the things that many of us have the luxury of taking for granted - thank you, Chris...)

The feeling of not belonging is one that I know isn't unique to me and is something that we all feel at different stages in our lives. It can be crippling and isolating and ugly. It can be all consuming. 

Why is it so easy for everyone else?

Why can't I just do this?

Why am I like this?

Am I destined to be unhappy?

I'm a bad mom.

I'm lazy.

I could go on, but I think you get the gist. The voice that we all have in our heads that seems to speak so. very. loudly at certain times may say different things depending on who we are, but the theme is the same. It's saying:

'You are not worthy'

WELL. Do I have something to say about that.

You ARE worthy, my beautiful friend. And you belong, exactly and especially as you are.

I firmly believe that one of the most important jobs that you will ever do is to learn to be compassionate to yourself. I don't mean tooting your own horn (although you can certainly do that if you'd like to !) I am talking about the kind of compassion that a mother, father, sister, friend, child gives to those that they love. The kind of understanding that you so readily give to others but fail to give to yourself. The cutting of slack that we ALL need from time to time. The ability to soothe yourself during lifes hardest moments and to know and feel completely secure and at home, in your skin.

Our journeys may all be different, as too are the challenges that we face. But the one thing that we all deserve, irrespective of any other factors, is the ability to feel at home in a universe of our very own. A universe in which you can say: 'Hey, do you know what? This life-ing thing is hard and shit and scary at times. But, all things considered, you're doing a great job, kid'

And so, I proudly and somewhat vulnerably introduce you to my newest one-of-a-kind collection: At Home, in a Universe of My Own.

For anyone who has ever felt that they don't belong, this is for you.

Each piece is handcrafted using a combination of ancient techniques that ensure that no two pieces could ever be the same; just as no two of us ever can be. And that is the magic of this collection, my beautiful friend, and, the magic of you. I am so looking forward to further developing this collection in the New Year and can't wait to see where the first eight pieces of the collection end up. 

And so, my beautiful, precious friend, please remind yourself, first and foremost, that you belong. You belong, just and especially as you are. You are At Home, in a Universe of Your Own. 

To browse the collection, simply click here. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for your ongoing and unfaltering support. Thank you for being the people who have helped me to feel like I finally belong. 

With all of my love, now and always,

Caitie xxx